Acute Rehab

On day 6 they came to assess if I would be a good candidate for their acute inpatient rehab. I have posted a video of my first attempt to walk on June 29th, 6 days after my stroke. The moment I stood up, I could feel my left ankle roll in. That was the beginning of how the multiple black and blue bruises started to form. I was moved from ICU to the acute rehab floor on day 7.

Up until now my husband was staying every night with me. Once we moved to the rehab floor, he and my daughter would switch nights to stay the night. I was incredibly grateful to have them stay the night. I hated being there. The hospital was always so cold and they would wake me up all hours to either check vitals or draw blood. I couldn’t sleep. I was anxious. I was scared. My arm and leg felt like a ton. I never lost feeling in any of my limbs, I just lost the ability to move them temporarily. That was something I had to keep telling myself. This is all TEMPORARILY. But was it? I would stay up all hours looking on Dr Google about stroke recovery and there was no guarantee; it could be <gulp> PERMANENT.

I remembered I had very restless nights in the hospital. I’d wake up feeling anxious in the middle of the night and then when I finally fell back asleep, it would be time to get up.

It was my 1st day of actual rehab. I recalled having 1 hour of Physical therapy, 1hour of Occupational therapy and 1 hour of Speech therapy. My first session was with the hospital counselor. After assessing my state of mind and realizing I was near suicidal, she was very concerned and requested my doctor to up my antidepressants immediately. After meeting with her, I had an assessment with my speech therapist who gave me a series of tests. The tests included memorizing 15 words and say them back to her, doing mental math with long word problems she would only read twice, saying as many animals as I could within a minute. At the end she gave me a score. I recall I was a few points off from being what they considered “normal”. Now I’m thinking to myself, I’m stupid and have brain damage because of my stroke. But I could clearly understand her and that test was hard for any “normal” person. I didn’t feel like arguing, I just felt defeated. She provided me with some worksheets to challenge my mind and explained with the type of injury I had, I could have memory, speech and different cognitive issues. She will continue to assess to ensure there were no major deficits. For the meantime I was to do word searches and puzzles.

Remember my swallow study. Well… come to find out I don’t have major issues but as a precaution I should be on thickened liquids and no thin liquids. Thickened liquids?! That sounded very unappealing. Turns out they have this powder that could thicken any liquid. She wrote on my board – No thin liquids. That message was for my nurses to ensure I didn’t try to drink anything I shouldn’t.

After speech therapy was Occupational therapy. Their job was to help me regain movement in my arm but they were also responsible for my ADLs- Activities of Daily Living. For our first visit, there was no arm therapy 😦 instead she asked if I wanted to take a shower. Heck yes, I wanted to shower. My first shower! However, the catch was she had to either help me or watch me to see how much help I needed. Well this is going to be awkward. I hated the girls PE showers and now as a 44 year old woman, I had to do a handicap shower with my therapist assessing, judging me 😦 Oh well, I had no choice so I sucked it up like a big girl and asked for help to get some fresh clothes and we headed to my bathroom.

Transferring from the wheelchair to the shower chair was a little scary. I realized how black and blue my ankle was from not being able to support my weight. I could stand on my right leg just fine but my left foot wouldn’t hold for a second without twisting. Taking off my hospital gown was easy enough. I had only my underwear to remove and did that sitting down. The warm water felt amazing on my skin. I didn’t have any fancy soap so we used what was in the dispenser for my body and hair. I noticed a few times she works remind me to pick up my left arm. I would forget about it. It felt so heavy to carry so a lot times it was off to the side. Thankfully I was right hand dominate so washing my body and hair was doable. After my shower, I dried myself off in the shower chair and she proceeded to show me how to put on my clothes in a modified position. She said, be sure to dress your affected side first so you don’t waste too much energy trying to get your arm or leg through the shirt or pant leg. Since I was sitting, I figured it made sense to start with my bra and shirt. I had a bralette so I put my left arm through the left strap, pulled the side down far enough so it could catch it just right so I could slip my right arm through then pull it over my head. I repeated somewhat the same concept with my large T-shirt. I realized the larger the T-shirt, the easier it would be to put on. After my tops were done, I started with my underwear. I helped put my left leg first through my underwear then my right leg. She help me stand up so I could pull up my undies. I sat back down and repeated the same process with my sweatpants. After that was done came my socks and she helped put on my tennis shoes. My long black hair was extremely damp and I dried it best I could. There was no blow dryer and I didn’t have use of my left hand to help put it in a pony tail. I realized at that moment how much I needed that left arm. I was so consumed with walking, I hadn’t realized the importance of my left arm and hand. And my fingers that I used to braid my hair. I rubbed my left hand to tell it, I loved it. I’m sorry. I love you just as much. And then my therapist tells me I did really well but that was all the time we had for OT today. The shower and dressing took almost an hour and I was exhausted from just that.

Next was physical therapy. I was extremely excited to get the chance to try and walk. After some assessments they realized I had a foot drop. This occurs when I try to walk, my ankle does not pull my foot and toes up so I end up tripping over my own left foot. Foot drop sometimes never get recovered but I was adamant I will get my foot working correctly someday. I would soon find out it’s all about nerve regrowth and dormant nerves learning new tasks. Takes a lot longer than one can begin to imagine.

Having a stroke is nothing like having a broken bone. With a broken bone there’s always a set time for recovery to happen. Give it 8-10 weeks and you’ll be skiing again. But with a stroke, the most recovery you will see is within the first 6 months but recovery will be lifelong. And some people may never recover fully. Seriously how does one even keep the faith and believe there is hope to recover? No wonder I was so depressed, how can I not be depressed and doom gloom?

I lift up my eyes to the hills– where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1