“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭40:1-2‬ ‭ESV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/59/psa.40.1-2.ESV

I woke up feeling much better and actually felt good enough to venture out. It’s been months since I’ve “allowed” myself to go out in public. Easter is coming up and I need to get baskets ready for my niece and nephew. My aunt agreed to come pick me up so I got up. Actually put some makeup on and decided I would “walk” today. We brought my wheelchair just in case I got tired but I planned on walking inside the store.

The day was uneventful and went pretty smoothly. We went to grab a few things and an Easter basket. Afterwards we went to have lunch. I decided I would even wait for my husband to come home and ask him to take me in the pool. My aunt dropped me off around 1pm and my husband came home around 4. By 5 we were doing some exercises in the pool. I guess my depression meds, after 4 weeks have finally kicked in. I was feeling a little normal. Not all doom and gloom worrying about everything that I couldn’t change. My friends texted me about brunch on Sunday and I even agreed to go.

Sunday was fun. I watched church in the morning and then got ready to meet my friends Dre and Gina for brunch. I’m incredibly blessed to have such kind, beautiful friends. Not just beautiful on the outside but also inside. They love me and never make me feel that I’m disabled in anyway. I just can’t seem to see me through their eyes.

You would think I would be excited to get out since my days just consist of therapy every day but I really didn’t it was hard for me to look forward to anything, much less seeing people. I felt like I looked hideous with my face droop and short hair. My left arm that won’t relax and my awkward zombie walk. It was hard for me to let people see me in public. I loved the dark where I could just hide in the darkness behind my own self pity.

One or two good days does not change my circumstances nor does it mean I’ve battled with my depression and won. Oh no, I continue to battle with my depression, just some days are a little less dark than others …